Wednesday, 11 November 2020

It's the goldcrest that did it


The day hadn’t started well.  The milk was off, my coffee went down the drain, I dribbled toothpaste down my shirt and the dog threw up.  By the time my partner and I were ready to go to the shop for fresh milk, I was a three but it was the goldcrest that did it.  I’d never seen one in the garden before yet there it was, a lively ball of green and creamy brown with that dazzling gold crown.  I went to snap a picture but my phone slipped through my fingers, smacking on the drive, the screen a web of cracks.  I cracked too. 

There’s a scale that autistic kids are taught for times like this and this was me at the top of the scale – a five – screaming, shouting, stamping on the shattered phone, leaping furiously into the car and speeding off who knows where, my partner forgotten on the roadside.  Except really, we both knew where I’d go.

Though I’m invariably almost surprised to find myself here, it’s always to the Head that I come.  Once, thousands of years ago, it was a bustling port; today it’s a reserve of nature, peace and tranquillity, broken – to my shame – by my slamming car door.

I start with an angry march down a path with fields – an ancient burial ground – to one side and the water of the harbour to the other.  There’s a burning, churning ache in my stomach and my chest, my heart is pounding, my breath ragged.  I notice nothing until a kestrel catches my eye, hanging in the air, wings beating with an electric crackle, eyes fixed.  I stop and watch until it swoops away, harried by nervous swallows.  My breathing slows.  My heart quietens.  I’m a four. 

Further on, there’s the yaffling cackle of a woodpecker, the bouncing flight of green and red before it lands in a tree, clinging to the trunk, disappearing behind a bough, reappearing.  Hide and seek.  I’m not yet ready to laugh myself, but a knot unravels in my chest.  Three.

On I walk – slower now – to the water’s edge where a heron stands one-legged in the reeds listening to the prehistoric call of egrets from the woods.  A redshank struts through the shallow water, carefully planting its garish legs, probing the mud with its beak.  Distant terns plunge into the harbour.  Minutes pass.  I sigh and feel my shoulders relax.  Two.

From there, my path takes me through woodland where I’m followed by an ever-amiable robin.  A thrush sings loudly, dunnocks hide, tits dance among the branches and from somewhere, there’s the staccato call of a chiffchaff.  I pause once more.  There’s an almost imperceptible flittering in a birch; a tiny bird with a dazzling gold crown perches on a twig, its head cocked, beady black eye on me.  As the bird and I watch each other, a loving, forgiving hand slips into mine and I smile.  I’m a one.  It’s the goldcrest that did it.

Sunday, 8 November 2020

Covid#28 - A reminder that we are not invincible


This must surely be the first time in human history when our response to an emergency such as coronavirus has been to impose lockdowns on entire countries.

When Spanish Flu swept around the world after World War One, there was no nationwide lockdown.  When the first person died in Britain in May 1918, war took precedence over suppressing the virus.  Suggestions (and there were some) that the sick be advised to stay at home and that people should avoid large gatherings were dismissed.  Hospitals were overwhelmed; nonetheless, while many theatres, dance halls and cinemas closed, there was no widespread lockdown and pubs remained open, large crowds attended football matches and people continued with their everyday life.  Some wore anti-germ masks, but they weren’t compulsory.

I wonder what someone from 1918 would make of our twenty-first century reaction to coronavirus.  

Sudden, widespread death seems to have become unconscionable to us.  Numbers of potential deaths are used to scare us – the first lockdown began after half a million deaths were predicted and this second one was ordered after newspaper headlines screamed projections of four thousand deaths per day.  Each day, the latest number of recorded deaths is reported and grimly, we watch the death-toll rise.  Like never before, we watch television with sadness as strangers talk about the tragic deaths of their loved-ones and fearfully, we reflect on death’s proximity to us all.  Above all, we have become familiar with the concept of ‘excess deaths’ – the idea that only so many deaths should be expected, perhaps even that only so many should be tolerated.

In March, the Prime Minister even talked of families losing loved ones ‘before their time’.  It’s a strange phrase that also reveals a lot about our attitude to death, implying that we have ‘a time’ when we should expect to die and even that we know when it is.  It goes hand-in-hand with the seemingly inexorable rise in life expectancy that has come with our advances in science and medicine, improved diet and nutrition and better living standards.  We should expect nothing less than to achieve that grand old age of eighty-one.

Perhaps we’ve even started to believe we can control death.  After all, we’ve eradicated smallpox, engineered antibiotics to fight infection, created drugs to suppress viruses like HIV, dramatically improved treatments for many cancers, halved the number of deaths from malaria since the turn of the century and achieved immunisation of vast populations against diseases like tuberculosis, polio, meningitis and measles.

Personally, I’m fortunate to have had little close experience of death.  I’m forty-three now so it’s not surprising that my four grandparents have all passed on but I enjoyed nearly forty years with two of them who lived into their nineties.  An aunt, Marion, died last year and sadly, I lost a good friend, Luke, to cancer in his early-twenties.  Many people of my generation would have experienced a similar, low tally of deaths – probably much lower than our grandparents would have had at our age.  We don’t have to confront death with the regularity they and their forebears did; maybe we don’t even have to contemplate it in the same way.

Coronavirus, a plague out of place in the twenty-first century, forces us to contemplate death.  And our instinct, born of the last century, is to control it, diminish it, defeat it.  One hundred years ago in Britain, 228,000 people died of Spanish Flu.  Today, we can’t countenance the scale of death that perhaps ought to be wrought by a rampaging pandemic while it runs its course and enough of us build that herd-immunity.  Neither, however, can we bear the measures that might keep it in check.

Education is central to our vision of continued progress and a better future and we value it too highly for schools, colleges and universities to close.  Our health services, as miraculous as they would seem to someone suffering from Spanish Flu one hundred years ago, creak ominously under the strain of a global pandemic for which they could not be prepared.  Many of us object to any infringement of our liberties and wouldn’t tolerate the surveillance that has made track-and-trace systems effective in more authoritarian corners of the world or harsher enforcement of restrictions and tougher penalties for rule-breakers.  Our way of life depends on the strength of our economy – even our health and well-being are inextricably linked to it – so deserted high streets, shut down businesses and increasing unemployment are deeply damaging.  Rising government spending to support business, industry, families and individuals is both imperative and unaffordable and we fear its impact on future generations.  Socially, we depend on pubs, restaurants, coffee shops, cinemas, theatres, leisure centres, clubs and gyms.  Not only do we struggle to cope without them but our mental health suffers while they are closed.  For many, a Christmas during lockdown would be unendurable.

Our comfortable, sociable, affluent, liberal twenty-first century lifestyle and society just isn’t up to the imposition of a lockdown – let alone repeated lockdowns.  Some scientists even say that this is not the terrible pandemic the world is still due; that could still come in the coming decades.  What then?  We will surely have learnt from this historic experiment that the lockdown is not the answer.  As awful as any unexpected death is for the friends and family of its victim, perhaps we need to reassess our grim relationship with death and accept that tragically, from time to time, something unexpected emerges and takes many of us.

Perhaps Covid19 is our terrible but necessary reminder that we are not invincible.

Wednesday, 4 November 2020

Covid#27 - It's back


By the time I wake up tomorrow, England will be in lockdown again.  A dejected sounding Boris announced his plan on Saturday with all the enthusiasm my students have for their weekly RE lesson, and Parliament voted for it this afternoon.  I’d written to my MP, Tobias Ellwood, urging him to vote against it but it wasn’t to be. 

In the spring, I was lucky to spend the first lockdown with my parents in Cornwall; this time, I shall be at home, alone in Bournemouth.  This lockdown won’t be the same though, as school will remain open so my daily routine won’t change much and I’ll be as busy with work as ever.  Obviously, there are things I will miss.  Momentarily earlier, I caught myself planning to invite friends for dinner in the next week or two, then realised that is off the cards for the foreseeable future.  My dad turns seventy at the end of this week and I had intended to spend the weekend with him and my mum in Devon, hopefully also seeing my brother’s family.  There were going to be fireworks!  All that is cancelled too.  Plenty of people have had to change their birthday plans this year so dad’s philosophical about what will be muted celebrations, but of course it’s disappointing.  I’ve become quite a gym bunny in recent months and I’ll miss my workouts there but I live by the beach so I’ll give running along the prom another go, although motivating myself on cold, dark November mornings will be challenging.  I’m fortunate; I doubt this second lockdown will have a significant impact on me.

It is, however, going to have a devastating impact on many, many other people.  I see that in some of the students in my class.  This week, they’ve talked about the after-school activities they won’t be able to do, the friends they won’t be able to see, the grandparents they will miss and their concerns for their parents’ jobs.  Their fear of the virus is heightened once again and anxieties are raised; one boy, for example, has become withdrawn and quiet, struggles to focus on his learning, and is visibly worried.  A friend who lives with his aged parents broke down in tears as he recalled the loneliness, fear and depression he felt during the first lockdown, which he now dreads once again.  Tonight, there will be people all around the country – far less fortunate than me – trying to prepare themselves for another lonely month, separated from family and friends, seemingly trapped in their homes.  For many, the cost of another lockdown in terms of their well-being and mental health will be unbearable.

The cost to young people is particularly calamitous.  They have already suffered educational chaos with the six-month closure of school to most, the dismal handling of their exam results and their imprisonment in their halls on their return to university.  Working in industries like tourism, leisure and hospitality – all of which have been hit hard by Covid restrictions – many young people have found themselves unable to work, furloughed or unemployed.  Those entering the jobs market for the first time find it impossibly challenging.  I’ve listened on podcasts to an aerospace graduate devastated at not even being able to find work even in supermarkets and the despairing mother of a young man with mild learning difficulties who lost the critical job he had and loved in his local cafĂ©.  I could have wept.  Even after-school sports activities, with the vital social opportunities they offer, are to be shut down, despite that the same children are able to attend school together.  Like so much of the Government’s response to this pandemic, it makes no sense.  It is young people that are bearing the disproportionate cost of this crisis and their plight is only worsened by another lockdown.

It doesn’t stop there either; the eye-watering debt we are accruing will be largely born by the young people who are already paying so much, and probably by their children and grandchildren too.  I am terrified by the economic cost of the pandemic: falling GDP, rising unemployment, the collapse of so many businesses and runaway Government spending.  Of course, some financial support to individuals, families and business is imperative to maintain a functioning society, economy and way-of-life, but difficult choices soon need confronting (if they didn’t already) as it becomes increasingly unaffordable.  Another lockdown only exacerbates an already dire economic outlook for future generations.  Just as there is a moral duty on us all to slow the spread of coronavirus and protect lives, so there is a moral duty to guarantee the economic well-being of our children and grandchildren.

Readers of my previous Covid-themed blogs will know that I’ve never been a fan of all the Covid rules (‘Stop telling me what to do!’ was the title of one from June).  I did, however, accept the restrictions of the first lockdown, necessitated as they were by the scale of the emergency brought about by the initial onslaught of coronavirus.  I was wearing a face-mask long before it became compulsory; I respect social distance; I clean fastidiously; and I do all the other sensible things I can to help suppress the virus.  I have, however, become increasingly resentful of the Government’s laughably unenforceable attempts to control so much of my life.  Take my gym, for example.  It is surely one of the safest places anyone could be: equipment has been shut down to ensure social distancing; screens have been erected between each machine; we all follow one-way systems; staff are forever cleaning; and I and other responsible gym-goers spray and wipe down everything like never before.  As far as I’m aware (and surely I would be), there has been no outbreak of Covid at my gym.  Despite this and all the measures that have been taken, we’re told we can no longer go there.   I take exception to being treated like a child – grounded by Boris like a naughty boy.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m a grown-up!  Give me information about the virus, the risks and the measures I should take, and then trust me to do the right thing.

If there really is a need for a second lockdown, it’s because of the Government’s failure to get a grip of this crisis.  It has lurched from one short-lived plan to another, its rules have become more and more confusing as they have changed so quickly, and its messaging has been hopeless.  NHS Test and Trace is a long way from the world-beating system we were promised six months ago.  500,000 tests per day by the end of October were promised by Boris, yet only 280,000 were carried out, while in mid-October only 15% of those tested were getting their results within twenty-fours (as he had also promised they would), and less than 60% of close contacts were being successfully traced.  The Government has no effective overall long-term strategy to manage this crisis, which is why we now risk a cycle of repeated and catastrophic lockdowns.

Boris was right to say that a second national lockdown would be a disaster and it’s one that can be laid firmly at the door of Number Ten.